Child Abuse Prevention – Odd Tip of Advice

Child Abuse Prevention: No Forced Hugs

CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION: Don’t force your kids to hug relatives.

A couple years back I gave a Predator S.T.E.P. Identification System presentation to a rotary club and afterward struck up an interesting conversation with one of the members about child abuse prevention. She pointed out a brilliant insight into raising children that is absolutely key to empowering them against child molesters. Most parents, however, will probably argue against my advice: Never force your children to hug or kiss relatives.

That’s right, ALL relatives. I am including daddy when he leaves on a business trip, all the way to grandma when you leave her house Thanksgiving night. All those awkward family scenarios when we have to push our children forward to hug hello or goodbye or congratulations, or give Papa a kiss for his birthday – please, don’t do it. Just have them wave or speak.

I am not suggesting that grandma and grandpa are predators, nor anyone else in your family. But forcing your children to behave affectionately when they do not want to, and especially when they vehemently protest against it, sets a terrible precedent that their body and affections are not to be withheld against adult wishes. You’re basically telling them, shut up and let that person hug and kiss you.

I’m sure I’ve offended several of you so let me point out that I was a dad who did that very thing. I’d nudge, I’d bribe, I’d guilt, and then I’d demand. But until my discussion at the rotary club, I never truly considered what I was “implying” to my children. Against the backdrop of child sex abuse, it became crystal clear that forcing them to hug or kiss adults when they didn’t want to, and against their most impassioned pleas, readies the soil for a predator to issue his demands as well. Kiss aunt Betty. Hug Uncle Frank. It doesn’t matter if you want to. Your body is ours. You need to submit.

What a dangerous thought to plant inside a child regarding their body and affections.

For those still thinking I’m off my rocker for being ANTI-forcing children to kiss Grandma, let me ask what good comes of it? Does Grandma really feel loved when the crying and defiant child hesitatingly presses their unpuckered lips against her cheek? Is Grandma so selfish and narcissistic that she prefers her grandkids be forced to kiss her rather than acting like a wise grown-up who understands this happens with children? Who (besides a john with a prostitute) enjoys feigned, insincere, forced affection?

Would you enjoy your spouse forcing you to be affectionate when you didn’t want to be?

Your job is to protect your child, foster their growth, love and care for them. To do all the aforementioned requires you also respect them. You would never make them kiss a stranger at the library. You’d never make them kiss their teacher, or coach, or best friend’s parent. On all those instances you would agree they have a right to withhold their affections. Don’t send mixed messages. Let your children know their bodies belong to them. Teach them that they ALWAYS have a right to refuse adult demands on their body. And support them next time Great Aunt Becky pinches their cheeks and forces them into a tight embrace.




The Child Predator S.T.E.P. Identification System

Child Predator S.T.E.P. Identification System


Given the statistics that 90% of all sexual abuse is done by an acquaintance of the child, it stands to reason we can severely reduce victimization by putting “stranger danger” on the shelf for a while and instead, intelligently focus on the real threat to our children; acquaintance and family molesters! The prime age range of victims is 6-12 and these kids have been hearing Stranger Danger since they were two. For the most part, kids in this age range got the message! Statistically speaking, the odds are much greater that your kid will be molested right under your nose than being abducted by a stranger.

So let’s find their weak spot, shall we?

Premise 1: The Child Molester cannot risk being identified and reported.
Premise 2: An Acquaintance/Family molester will be easily identified.

Conclusion: The Molester must stifle the reporting by sealing the crime inside a SECRET pact with the victim.


Premise 1: The Child Molester MUST convince the child to keep the BAD SECRET.
Premise 2: The Victim MUST have an overwhelming reason (a perceived gain) to willingly keep the SECRET.

Conclusion: The Child Molester convinces the child that keeping the secret will provide them with a better situation than revealing the secret.


Premise 1: Humans are motivated to act (or not act) for positive reward, or;
Premise 2: Humans are motivated to act (or not act) to avoid a negative consequence (mental, emotional, physical)

Conclusion: Child Molesters are leveraging rewards and/or threats of punishment to keep their victims silent.

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Sexual Abuse – How To Empower Our Kids

Sexual Abuse: Empowering Kids Against Child Predators

SEXUAL ABUSE – How Schools and Parents Make Our Children Vulnerable to Child Predators

There are few things more disturbing than the issue of child sexual abuse. Outside the despicable act itself which physically violates children and defiles their innocence, the crime is one that continues to destroy the victim’s life long after the final attack.

Crippled self-esteem and shame result in incalculable losses to our society due to poor school performance and dropouts, the likelihood of alcoholism, drug abuse, and related crime, as well as a tendency toward sexual promiscuity; which can result in prostitution, disease, and unwanted pregnancies. Sexually abused boys are more likely to become predators themselves, as well as having a fourteen times greater risk of committing SUICIDE than boys who were not molested. Victims’ lives can spiral downward into welfare dependency, incarceration or utter ruin. It’s reasonable to suggest the psychological and long term economic damage definitely outlasts and far outweighs the physical assault. Unfortunately, society as a whole is unknowingly complicit in this widespread tragedy. Click to read full article


Confronting a Child Molester

Confronting a child molester



Were I to find out my child was sexually assaulted by ANYONE – including members of my own family – my first instinct would be to smash their head against the wall a few times and then make sure they feel the shards of glass as they fly through the plate glass window. That would be for a minor transgression!

There are few crimes I find more deplorable than child molestation: torture and murder head the short list. But like all responsible adults, PREPARING (even mentally) for an emergency will oftentimes bring cooler heads to the forefront to provide the necessary actions required. Like fire drills where we were taught to proceed calmly to the nearest exit, you should at least consider what I’m about to tell you regarding confronting someone who MAY have molested your child. (Note: Remember not everyone who is accused is guilty. A teacher’s assistant in Florida was assaulted by a father because his high school daughter claimed he groped her. Come to find out, school surveillance cameras proved she was lying. ) Click to read full article


Mark of the Molester

Mark of a Molester - What to Look For


Wouldn’t it be nice if every molester, pedophile, child pornographer, and sex abuser came with a little tattoo on their forehead to warn us who they were? I’d settle for glowing eyes or a salivating wolf’s mouth licking its chops. But the truth is, they are all disguised as normal people. Neighbors, teachers, uncles, coaches, relatives, parents, older siblings. And if we can’t pick them out of the crowd…our children can’t spot them either.


An important fact about Predators is they only reveal themselves to other predators and to children. But if we would educate, train, prepare our children WHAT TO LOOK for, it could make a world of difference. Click to read full article

Sadistic pedophile

Introducing Sadistic Pedophile

In all my creative and experiential capacity I can think of only three ways to protect your child from a sadistic pedophile.

1) Never ever leave your child’s side
2) Arm your child with a gun
3) Prepare your child for the unfathomable Click to read full article
The 1st reason you child may never tell you they were molested


Having my first daughter born while studying communication/psychology at Michigan State effectuated my perception of what information was relevant. Course discussions that might otherwise have slipped my awareness, suddenly became pertinent and interesting. A prominent example of this was a lecture by an Abnormal Psychology professor who implored us to teach our future children the proper anatomical names for their body parts. For all my peers this was advice to store away… only to be forgotten. For me, it was real-time advice, and perhaps that is why it has stuck with me. Click to read full article

The Fear Molesters Leverage Against Our Children

Child Molestion Victims Fears

How Molesters Bend Reality Right Under Our Noses

Due to the child’s ability to identify them, a Grooming Predator must exercise control over the child and in all cases seal that incriminating secret with fear.

Top Fears Preventing Children From Reporting Abuse

1.  GUILT –  fear that others will not forgive them for their role leading up to the attack.

A female friend once confided in me that the pedophile who ingratiated himself into her family and continually raped her over many years started by gaining her complicit affection.  He would treat her to gifts and candy and then in private collect kisses for these presents.  These affectionate gestures were later translated by him into the claim they were boyfriend and girlfriend.  Being in early elementary school and having no boyfriend, she was flattered by this notion along with his kind embraces and generous attention.  As he carried it farther and farther, he always built upon her previous compliance and made her feel as though she was equally responsible.  She could not tell her parents due to the guilt she felt for her role in the abuse. Click to read full article


Child Molestation: The Secret of Mind Control

The silence that surrounds child molestation

The Silence That Surrounds Child Molestation

In 1992 while living in Los Angeles, actor and magician Steve Valentine invited me to be his guest at the world famous Hollywood Magic Castle. The Castle is a private club dedicated to the promotion of magic as an art form and hobby. Club members perform their illusions up-close, chair-side, right under your nose. Afterward, our group ended up at my apartment where Steve was gracious enough to show us more magic. Amazed at how easy it was to fool us, I asked him point blank, “Why can’t we figure it out?”

His answer has stuck in my mind for almost 20 years. “Magicians can get away with it,” he said, “because we know how you think.” Having a degree in communication and psychology, I was riveted by the idea that the majority of humans (myself included) process the world through a homogenous lens that others can easily manipulate to fool us into seeing exactly what they want us to. And what’s truly discouraging, as anyone who has ever been privy to the workings of a magic trick can attest, is how mindlessly simple the bending of reality needs to be to completely fool everyone. I had always believed the wonder of magic rested within the skill of the magician. Come to find out, it’s more accurately rooted in the conformed ignorance of the audience.

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Child Molestation Statistics

Child Molestation Statistics

Child Molestation Statistics

In my research to discover what, why, and how this travesty is happening on a pandemic scale, I came across the following disturbing child molestation statistics. These are not independently verified, but were gleaned from others’ bibliographies.

  • 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 14.

Source: Hopper, J. (1998). Child Sexual Abuse: Statistics, Research, Resources. Boston, MA Boston University School of Medicine.

  • 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 16.

Source: Hopper, J. (1998). Child Sexual Abuse: Statistics, Research, Resources. Boston, MA Boston University School of Medicine.
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